I’ve been itching for an outlet again to let some stuff go. I was gonna start another blog somewhere else but the thought of creating another account with another password that some group is going to hack and put out on the web was beyond tiresome to me. So here I am. I changed the name and theme so hopefully it’ll be good enough. Warning, if self introspection and girl drama makes you want to cringe, unfollow now. It won’t be like this forever, but for a minute.
I’ve been on a mission to the center of myself. It’s seriously crazy. I’m friends with psychics, getting hypnotherapy and I think my spirit guide was masquerading as Tina Fey in my dream this morning telling me to take a dance class. All this changing is a bitch though. Old shit and old feelings are being dredged up so I can feel them and face them or make different choices. Friend stuff is the hardest because they’re my main relationship type over the course of my life.
My latest hypnotherapy session was a pow wow with my higher self and I got to ask her some questions. She told me, in a nice and gentle way, to grow up and stop seeing myself as a kid. I’m a grown lady, I’m 33. But I guess I do still see myself as a girl. I’ve been having some little girl type feelings too, including jealousy. I was one in a threesome of chick friends. I’m normally a one-on-one kind of friend, but we were cool until I wasn’t. I understand that the friendship between the other two is none of my business, but I don’t like it. I’m the one with the problem so I removed myself. That doesn’t mean that the green monster isn’t there anymore. My higher self told me it was plain ol jealousy and fine. So I’m out. I don’t really like drama, but it’s like this person who I’m not jiving with brought it into my life with her. So where is my opportunity to grow?
Before I would stay in the friendship and be passive aggressive until I literally ruined it and forced the other party’s hand to end the relationship. So the chance to change is in knowing when the jig is up and throwing in the towel. I have a hard time with boundaries and difficult conversations. But I’ve decided to only stay friends with people who enhance me. phew.